


Only sane man.

by The_failure



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Comedy, Drabble, Gen, Swearing, The guards must be crazy, Video Game Logic, only rated T for the swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 21:35:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5943904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_failure/pseuds/The_failure
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My comrades are a bunch of idiots.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only sane man.

**Author's Note:**

> What if, there's this one guy that's entirely aware of how stupid his comrades are, and how wacky it is.

My name is Yuri, and all my comrades are idiots.

  
You're probably wondering why, I was wondering why the entire time.

First thing first, this happened at De Shago Kallai. I was tasked with guarding this guy… a Spetsnaz Commander or some shit like that.

  
It was just another day, guard the outpost till HQ told us something else, the Spetsnaz shows up and the Commander starts talking to them, in the distance I see this stoner in an all black outfit, approach one of my comrade, hold him up at gunpoint then five seconds later he's attached to this VERY VISIBLE white balloon and he AUDIBLY SCREAMS when he's gone 50 feet in the air. Somehow my comrades DIDN’T HEAR IT, and kept talking like nothing else, I'm just standing here, watching this fucker just do this twice, then I'm dismissed.

  
I start patrolling and I see the fucker again, this time he's just running around in this cardboard box, luckily someone saw him and instead of sounding the alarm. He. Fucking. Calls. CP. Tells them about how a box just moved, CP tells him to fuck off, the stoner starts moving again in the box. My comrade calls again, slightly scared, CP tells him to shoot the box.

  
Somehow, he missed all of his shots, he had a fucking gun, and missed a box that wasn't moving, How stupid are these guys!? Then he just calls CP, tells them it didn’t do anything, CP tells him to get a psyche evaluation. At least someone else is sane here.

  
Then I hear this noise, I turn around and see the stoner throwing a bunch of empty mags over another dude's head. At this point I just went "screw this.", sat down and started smoking.

  
For 5 minutes all I hear is the intruder throwing mags, holding my comrades up, repeatedly cutting them off with another question, choking them out and attaching them to these balloons. Then I see him just going away on a horse with the Commander while he's listening to some very loud music. Gotta admit it, for a fucking weirdo, he's got good tastes.   
then when a patrol shows up, I pretend I was knocked out by an intruder and only woke up, and somehow they bought it.

  
A few weeks later I'm then placed at this guard post, and he just fucking swoops by us on this horse. Nobody noticed.

Just who the fuck is this guy?


End file.
